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03 November 2005 @ 11:44 am
When bickering occurs...  
Run for the hills.

Brendan and I have been bickering lately. That is, fighting like a brother and sister, like two little children.

"You started it!"

"Nuh uh, you did" *tongue pokes out*

"Waaaha, he stuck his tongue out at me!"

Well, not exactly like that, but I believe the representation is quite similar. It doesn't hurt to fight like that. Fighting in other ways, the ones where you actually mean what you say (yes you are an asshole) and both parties learn something about each other. What do they learn? Just because you're in love, doesn't mean your partner will adore everything about you. Chances are that the longer you live together, the more flaws are revealed. But then with vices come virtues. So hopefully, who ever you live with has an equal amount of both. Enough vices to keep you on your toes, ready to run. And enough virtue to make you come floating back with a smile spreading over your face. Yes, floating. That's what virtues to do you if you love someone.

I believe I have figured out the reason that so many people are getting divorced. 98.9 percent of my arguments with Brendan arise from the bed. No, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about blankets, damnit. There is quite simply not enough blanket to go around. This causes what scientists like to call "blanket stealing."

Now, when blanket stealing occurs, the automatic response is to tug back with a sleepy whine to retrieve that square inch of blanket lost. When this phenomenon occurs, both parties become guilty of blanket stealing. The blanket stealer who started it all will promptly blame the blanket stealee. The blanket stealee is appauled, upset. This results in what I like to call a "blanket war". Both parties smooth out the blankets, making sure the blanket is evenly distributed. The lights go out, and someone rolls over. Everyone knows when someone rolls over in a bed, they are trying to steal the blankets. So the stationary person immediately puts up their guard. AKA they clasp the blanket with superhuman strength until it is taut and ready to snap like a whip.

And the blanket war begins. But I digress.

I was getting at the reason for high rates of divorce these days, and how it all begins in the bed. Not so many years ago, people didn't always share beds. At least on tv they didn't. There were seperate beds, two blankets. Plenty of room and blanket for everyone! Since everyone knows that blanket stealers arouse contempt in the human brain, eliminating the environment for blanket stealing to occur is the only way to guarantee a happy, long lasting relationship.

But what to do in these modern times of sex, drugs, and rock n roll? Get two blankets, you idiots. Save yourself before it's too late!
rotten on November 3rd, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
haha. you're awesome.
chica110 on November 4th, 2005 12:11 am (UTC)
I've never heard something that sounded like it made so much sense... said with such an odd metaphor LoL! That was great.
bunnybekah on November 4th, 2005 07:15 am (UTC)
Two blankets didn't work the last time I tried it... that lousy blanket-stealing-fucktwat threw his blanket off the bed in the middle of the night and rolled over to steal mine... that's when that it was officially over.

I could have just said "You're right."... but it didn't seem like enough.
urmothersabeep on November 4th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC)
See!!! Blanket wars destroy lives.

And you are more awesome, Jana.
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